I Am Thankful that I Am Hard to Offend
Human nature being what it is, each of us has a tendency to “let it fly” sometimes. I heard from one of my acquaintances last evening. She only calls when she’s on a rant.
Please note that I didn’t qualify her as a friend. I know her, but we share very little. And she wouldn’t meet Warren Buffet’s definition of a friend. I believe I heard him say on the Charlie Rose program one night that a friend is a person who would hide you when you need to be hidden. Of course, Mr. Buffet was using his definition in the context of Anne Frank, the young girl who hid during the German holocaust. So, don’t go off thinking I’m using it any differently. A friend is someone you can count on, that person who will defend you when you need to be defended, and will put value on your existence.
The lady who rang me up last evening wouldn’t qualify, either way. To be honest, I wouldn’t hide her and I’m sure she wouldn’t hide me. She uses her dialing finger to dial me up only when she feels the need to rant and rave about something or someone that has offended her.
So, that brings me to a point I want to make. Each of us have said at some point in time that we were offended by one thing or another. Oh, please. Let’s think about that for a minute. If someone says something about you that is to your dislike, you are offended. But, in truth why should you be offended or even care? I have found that I have felt offended only when in my heart and mind I knew that there was a bit of truth to the statement. Perhaps, we shouldn’t be as offended as embarrassed that our flaws have reached the surface.
But, on occasion and most often we are offended when we feel that someone has misunderstood us, has heard something and assumed its truth, or have seen or heard something that goes against our personal values. We are offended only when we take ourselves too seriously, when our egos rear up… or as the woman who looked after me during my childhood once said, when we let people rent space in our heads.
And, that’s about the sum of it. Being offended is often the springboard to anger. By the time this acquaintance rang me up, she had spent some time allowing her “offended” state to fester into anger. What a waste of time! And, please… what is the point?
Okay, so I am human just like everyone else. There are times when my blood boils although I try very hard not to let it heat up beyond a simmer. However, I will say definitively that I have learned to take a step back from the situation and determine if it really matters to me or not. And, 99.99% of the time it just doesn’t matter.
So, during this conversation… monologue… last night, I listened for about five minutes. That’s a long time for someone to speak increasingly louder and faster without taking a breath. Finally, I could feel that this little lady had almost reached the point of exhaustion so I interrrupted the tirade.
“What is it that you want me to do or say?”
“Well, there’s nothing you can do.” Blah, blah, blah. “I just want you to know that _______ is not a friend of mine and you better beware of her.”
Now, let me just say this. There are few people in this world that I feel I need to “beware of.” And, in all honesty, the person the lady was talking about had been a bit abrupt with me on one occasion. However, in hindsight I realized that the problem wasn’t mine, it was hers. So, folks, I have to tell you I am not about to assume something that isn’t mine. And, no, I don’t dislike this other woman. She was expressing what she thought. I am not compelled to agree with her. And, I’m certainly not going to take my precious time to be offended by her.
The point of all this is that from time to time we find ourselves on one side or the other of being offended or offending. When we are offended, it is our choice to be offended. When we offend, it is our choice to offend. We are trying to stir the pot. We are allowing our egos to control our heads. And, to be quite honest, there is absolutely no benefit to the offender or the offended in such a situation.
We cannot control what other people say or do. (And, I certainly would not want to try.) But, we can control ourselves. We can weigh a situation and then make a decision. If the only point of what we think we want to say is to hurt the other person, what purpose will it serve? Why would any of us want to hurt another? If we are on the “being offended” end of the exchange, why in the world would we allow someone to rent that space in our heads?
May I suggest that we all practice thinking before we speak and that we always try to check our egos at the door? And, when you know that a specific person is determined to get a reaction from you, why reat? Why play into his or her hands. Act. Do not react. And, please above all else, weigh the content and purpose of a statement or action that offends. Will it have an importance to your life, besides a few moments of high blood pressure? If not… and most often it is the NOT, then don’t shoot negative arrows back at the person. One person spewing negativity is sufficient for one day. There is no need to surround oneself with it. One person spewing negativity or offending will evaporate. But, if you respond in kind the negativity will compound.
Each of us has the right to be selfish with ourselves and our environments to the point that we will not allow someone to invade us and charge us with negativity, when we have the right to live with positive energy surrounding us. But, that is a choice that is up to us. I choose not to rent my space.
