I have to share a moment of frustration. I do hope everyone will indulge me today.
This morning — during morning coffee — a neighbor dropped in rather unexpectedly. You know, I do prefer a call before coming, at least when it isn’t one of the “family style” neighbors. Some of our neighbors are definitely what I call “family style.” They pretty much come and go at will, but with self-imposed limitations. For example, if Happy doesn’t see me out and about by noon she will knock on the back door as the turns the doorknob and calls my name. Or, maybe she calls out, “Maya, is everything okay?” as she enters. Well, when you get to be our age it is a way of checking on one another. But, Happy and a few others are back door friends.
My morning visitor was a front door friend — if you get my meaning. Well, it seems that she had her knickers in a twist about her next door neighbor. I rolled my eyes and I’m sure she noticed. It seems that her neighbor needs some help or at least would welcome a little assistance. I won’t go into the details because they are not the point of this.
The morning visitor came to my house to tell me that I certainly must know how much she has done for the neighborhood, the community and the town. I’ll give that to her. However, she told the story of a day when she could have used some assistance and the neighbor in question did nothing to help. Now, understand, please that this is about all I know about that event.
So, this morning rather than offering help to her neighbor, this lady drove two mountain blocks to my house to inform me that her neighbor needed help but that she was not going to be the one to lend the hand — because once upon a time when she could have used a little help her neighbor ignored her needs.
Okay, and? Maybe my morning visitor was looking for approval. Maybe she wanted me to agree that she was an asset to the neighborhood, but that it was okay to ignore her neighbor’s needs because once upon a time the neighbor had ignored hers.
I have to admit that I really wasn’t in the mood for that rant and rave this morning. It’s Wednesday and it is “old lady day” at the Bi-Lo. They don’t call it old lady day. I do. On Wednesday’s when the new sales come on for the week, seniors get an extra 5% off. And, believe it or not, week after week that adds up. Whether it does or not, we load up Happy’s van with little old ladies and shop like fools at the Bi-Lo Grocery Store.
Most anyone who reads The Gratitude Journal has recognized that I have opinions and I’m not exactly shy about sharing them. But, this moring I wanted to go to the market. Besides, what did morning visitor expect me to say? Did she really think I was going to say that because she had been offended by the lack of assistance from her neighbor, it was okay for her to stand by and watch as her neighbor needed help. And, quite frankly the list of donations and charities this lady participates in has nothing to do with the lady next door to her. And, NO! In my mind it does not excuse a lack of action.
So, I drank way too much coffee, tapped my foot anxiously, and said very little as the morning visitor explained to me that she had done more than most to help others and that she was a better person than her neighbor — because she donates money to charities, I suppose.
I could hear Happy outside. She blew the horn once, a minute or so passed and she honked again. I excused myself to go to “old lady day.” As I was leaving, locking the back door and pushing the visitor out towards the drive she said, “Maya, you know I am a better person than my neighbor. Look at what I have done and what they have done since they moved in.”
Well, so she said. But, you know, I prefer people who are better people — those who will offer a helping hand even without being asked and even if the hand is going to someone who turned his back when you needed a hand. Yep, I prefer better people rather than those who act as if they are better. Those who really give, give without conditions, without expectations, without thought of paybacks, and because they want to give. It has nothing to do with acting like a better person.
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thanks for putting a mirror in my face. i’m a lot like your offended neighbor, and i know that is wrong. sometimes, i just want to be appreciated and when i feel that there is a lack of appreciation or reciprocity, then pride rears its ugly head. i’ll have to work on giving “without conditions, without expectations, without thought of paybacks.”
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