I didn’t go missing yesterday… not exactly. I had unexpected company. Well, it was family but still unexpected. Surprises are nice sometimes, but not always. Don’t get me wrong… I was delighted to see my older stepson. He came bearing all sorts of good news, like the unannounced wedding he attended on some Caribbean island… HIS!
He has been with the same young lady for quite some time and honestly, a wedding was inevitable. He had talked about it for almost a year. His younger brother was married at the end of May, as some of you may recall. So, we all thought that the older one would get married sooner rather than later. There is still some of that underlying sibling rivalry going on, although they are best friends as well as brothers. But, I suppose it is just assumed that there is an imaginary time line somewhere in the universe. It was assumed by most that the older son would marry first. However, I must say that sometimes it takes a little jolt to get him into action.
When the younger son and our new daughter-in-law announced their engagement, we certainly thought the older one would make an announcement soon thereafter and perhaps, jump ahead in line by announcing his wedding date first. It didn’t happen. Instead, he continued to talk about the possibilities of asking his young lady to marry him.
That brings me to yesterday. I was busy going about my daily routine, really deep in cleaning and looking somewhat like the Carol Burnett cleaning lady cartoon character. Who dresses up and applies make-up before cleaning the house? (If you do, don’t even bother to email me to tell me about it!) So, there I was in the midst of vaccuum cleaners and dust cloths, a broom laying in the middle of the kitchen floor with the dog chewing on the straw bristles.
I had stopped the major cleaning to help my husband get bathed. He was as naked as a jaybird, resting on his side, with me scrubbing his back when the door burst open and the older son yelled, “Hello!”
Of course, we were so happy to see him! But, it would have been nice to know that he was back on the mainland. He had called about a week and a half ago to say that he was going on holiday to the Caribbean. Well, we knew he wasn’t going to stay forever, but there had been no mention of his stopping by before returning to work in California. Our house isn’t exactly on the straight path between Miami and Los Angeles. But, as parents, always glad to see one of the kids we were happy to see him.
Truthfully, I probably wouldn’t have changed too much of my daily schedule. Some things have to be done regardless of what goes on the world. One of those things would be giving my husband a bath. I would have probably gotten my husband up earlier and completed the bath before our son’s arrival… had I known he was coming. But, I didn’t. And, I certainly didn’t know he had gotten married while on holiday.
So, the afternoon went something like this.
I got my husband’s back bathed and repositioned him in the bed. Our son plugged in pictures of the younger son’s wedding… some we had not seen… and then showed us pictures of a variety of fish and sealife he had taken with his underwater camera from various scuba diving adventures.
Oh, he is quite good with a camera. I was so impressed with his pictures that I asked him to put them on a CD for me. I can’t wait to get out the canvas and oils and begin painting from these beautiful pictures. But… I have digressed again.
After the slide show, as we saw the last picture of the younger son’s wedding, I asked, “So, when are you getting married?” I totally expected something like “I don’t know” or “I haven’t ask her yet” or “we haven’t decided on a date.”
Instead, he said, “Last week.”
Well, what exactly do you say to that? I mean, my husband and I were delighted that he had finally tied the knot before he reached middle age, but…
The instant that followed was a quiet as a day in the far northern part of Alaska… and that’s so quiet that it will drive you crazy if you stay too long. Anyway, I’m sure the seeming eternity of the silence only lasted a second, maybe two.
I spoke first (as usual). “Well, that’s the best news we’ve had in a long time.” I stood up and hugged the tall man our son has become.
My husband mumbled, “Congratulations.”
The young man smiled and said…. this is the kicker, “It’s not the best news.”
Silence.
“The best news is that she is four months pregnant. It’s a girl.”
Oh, my God! Well, no one saw that one coming. Of course, it’s okay and we are excited about a first grandchild. But, when the anticipated highlight of my day had been a scrubbed kitchen floor, well… KA-BOOM!
I am happy that they finally got married. It was way past due… apparently. And, I am excited about a grandchild, but in all honesty I’m still feeling a little off center. Maybe I’ll write about that another day.
Oh, geez… I have so digressed. Anyway, the point of this was intended to be about unexpected guests. And, yes! When the kids have been gone for almost ten years, things change at home. They are always welcome, of course. But, at some point and I’m not exactly sure when that point comes, the children have their own places, their own friends, their own lives and I certainly wouldn’t arrive on either of their doorsteps without calling first. And, I suppose I would prefer they call first.
Old people… empty nesters, so to speak… change their lifestyles. Most of the inhibitions parents take on when there is a house full of children coming and going all the time seem to dissipate. I no longer have any qualms about walking from the bedroom to the kitchen for a glass of water … in the buff. Most days when I am inside the house cleaning or just sipping on a cup of tea I don’t feel the need to confine the girls in a bra. Yesterday was one of those days. And, even though the kids grew up in the same house, at some point they became men… grown men… and I certainly wouldn’t walk around in front of grown men (except my husband) looking as if I was a contestant for a wet t-shirt contest.
I’m not writing this to chastise my son. I’m writing this for all the young readers who still think they can just walk into their parents’ house without ringing them up first. I suppose you can. And, I suppose your parents would welcome you, just as I welcomed our son yesterday. But, perhaps as a word of caution, you should know that card carrying AARP members left to the privacy of an empty nest become less inhibited than you would imagine. We don’t have the time constraints that our kids have… like getting up, going to work, eating dinner, going to bed, having sex, and going to sleep. We can indulge in that afternoon delight made famous in a song a long time ago. So… don’t embarrass yourselves or your parents.
Enough said! I am grateful for those people who call before arriving at the front door.
