First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah. I hope everyone has a terrific holiday season — and a safe one.
I don’t mean to jump the gun, so to speak, but I have been thinking about the new year. There is really no reason to make such a big deal about New Year’s Day and New Year’s Resolutions. After all, we can make resolutions and changes everyday. But, for some reason we all take the new year so very seriously. That brings me to a conversation I had with a friend today.
Anna lives in UK, in the Lake District. A long time ago — it seems like a long, long time ago — I lived there, for eight years. Anna and I became friends, not acquaintances but friends. We have kept in touch throughout the years, visiting one another from time to time, and talking to one another as I would suppose sisters do. Both of us are the “only child” in our families and both of us are adopted, so maybe we bonded as closely as we think sisters would because we both understand what it is like to have no siblings and so on. I suppose anyone reading this gets the idea.
Anyway, Anna called today and after chatting a while, when we were about to end the call Anna said, “Mind the gap, Maya.” Maybe it was the way she said it. But, it hit me! It reminded me of many talks we had years ago. She reminded me how important it is in life to “mind the gap.” I may have written about this before and if this is old news, I apologize. But, as the new year approaches and my neighbors are talking about resolutions Anna could have said nothing that stopped me in my tracks as quickly.
For those who may not be familiar with the phrase, it is one of the most important lessons I ever learned. I’m not really sure how the phrase originated. I have been told that it was first used to caution people getting on and off the train or the subway or the tube or whatever you want to call it. Between the train and the platform is a space called the gap. While I was living in London I would quite often hear people getting on and off the trains reminding one another to “mind the gap.” Of course, that simply meant to watch one’s step, otherwise one could end up falling into the gap and under the train. That sounds a bit miserable, huh?
But, over time “mind the gap” became more than worrying about an actual train and a platform. When my friend Anna reminds me to “mind the gap” she is telling me keep a check on where I want to be in my life and where I am. The gap is the distance between what we intended and what we are or where we are.
To try to explain it a little better… We all had dreams when we were young or younger. We all knew exactly what we wanted to be when we grew up and where we wanted to live and how we wanted to live. Yet, many of us have a gap between those dreams and our present lives. We have fallen into the gap and some of us have even rolled under the train.
When Anna says “mind the gap” she means to straighten the course and be aware of where we are in life compared to where we want to be. Well, it’s that time of year. We all get a little sad as the old year fades into history and feel the exhilaration of a new year and a new opportunity. It is time for each of us to take stock of our lives and to mind the gap.
Okay, so here’s the thing that really bothers me. This afternoon one of my neighbors began lamenting the fact that she had wanted to get a Ph.D when she was in her 20′s. She had worked through her master’s and I think she got married and maybe had her first child. Whatever happened, she never returned to school to get the doctorate. I’m not always the brightest light on the tree, but I am perceptive. As she talked about never getting the doctorate, I could tell that she had no regrets about putting off the degree. But, I could also tell tell that she wished she had gone back to grad school.
I mentioned minding the gap to my neighbor. She started listing all the things she had planned to do and had wanted to do before life got in the way. Let me say that my neighbor is happy with her life, but in her on way, she is incomplete because she had not followed through on her dreams.
I use my neighbor as an example but we all have things we wish we had done or could do. When we start looking at where we are and what we have done vs. where we thought we would be and dreamed of doing in life, many of us realize that we have not done a very good job of minding the gap. Some of us have actually fallen under the train and been run over, more or less.
After the neighbor left I spent a couple of hours thinking of all the dreams I had when I was a kid and young adult. Some of my goals have been accomplished. I have lived in several countries. I have circled the globe quite a few times. I have enjoyed education, both formally and through life experiences. I have enjoyed my life for the most part. Of course, like everyone I have had my fair share of ups and downs. I am a happy person. And, I still need to mind a few gaps.
The difference between settling for what life gives us and making life what we want it to be is a matter of minding the gaps. It is a matter of taking action and continuing to live until we die. My neighbor said she is too old to go back to grad school. But, how old is too old? When do we stop moving forward? When do we give up on our dreams and settle for what is?
At my age — and my neighbor’s age — minding the gap and checking off items on the bucket list start to look remarkably similar. But, who cares? The important thing is to never, ever, never give up a dream. Postpone it, maybe. But, never, ever, never give it up. Regardless of where you are in life or what you have, mind the gap. It is never too late to correct life’s course. It is never too late to live the life you want to live.
Now look. Sometimes, especially as you get older, family and friends may think you have taken leave of your senses — and say so. Sometimes it takes courage to live your life — emphasis on live.
As the New Year approaches I can think of no better resolution than to mind the gap, each day. My wish for everyone who reads The Gratitude Journal is that he or she will have the courage to face his/her truth and live the life he dreams of living. After all, you only get one shot at it. Make it count.
Today I am thankful for my dear friend Anna who always reminds me to live life to the fullest, to stay on course with my life and my dreams, to mind the gap.
