Today has been a little bit on the slow moving dreary side. We haven’t had any of the snow that has been reported all over the east coast. But then again I’m not exactly on the east coast — yet. Truth is I am planning to spend a couple of months at the beach after Christmas if all goes well.
Anyway, today I have had time to tweak a few things on this site — I realized the copyright was showing only for this year. What was that about? I actually started writing two years ago. I wondered what happened to 2008? After all, it was a pretty good year, so I wanted credit for it. I know that isn’t important in the overall scheme of things but as I fiddled with all the backend code to get to the place to give myself credit for being a two year old — almost starting my third year — blog I remembered one of the those crazy experiences that happened a long, long time ago when I wanted credit for speeding tickets.
I was ready to renew my drivers’ license. Well, I wasn’t ready but it was time. Funny how we drive everyday and when the time comes to answer the questions on paper we seem to freeze up. Well, I was working back in those days and was in a very small rural town — passing through — and decided it would be expedient to do the drivers’ test and get it over with. Back in those days it was required that the written test be taken every four years. Now, I figured since I was driving something like 50,000 miles a year I should know most of the answers.
Okay, I didn’t know the answers, but even back in the day I could wear someone down until they would do anything to get rid of me. I presented my current drivers’ license to the man at the desk in exchange for the multipe choice test. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I got to the first set of choices.
The first question went something like this — You are on a school bus and need to stop to let children off. You — and then there were four choices: A, B, C, and D. Each had something to do with being on a school bus, apparently as a driver. I noticed there was a space between the first question and the second so I figured I could write in the most appropriate answer: “I don’t ride or drive a school bus.”
Satisfied with that I came upon a mechanical question. You are driving down the highway and your car starts swaying from the right to the left. Do you A, B, C, or D? Well, those options weren’t so good. My choices were to stop the car and check the tires or stop the car and check the brakes or stop the car and check the suspension and something else I don’t remember. Now, here’s the thing. I wouldn’t know how to check any of the options and if I did I wouldn’t know what to do about it. So, once again I found that little space between D and the next question. I wrote “I would take the car to the nearest garage and have someone who knows what he is looking at check it out.” That is exactly what I would have done — and would do today.
Needless to say as far as I was concerned the questions got no easier. But, I finished the paper test and handed it back to the man behind the desk. He looked at it and smiled.
“Do you have the form the state sent you?”
“No, sir.” I know to use my best manners when one of those authority figures is in control of the situation. As I have mentioned several times I learned a lot about authority figures during the protest days in the 1960′s.
“I’ll have to check your driving record. It will take a couple of minutes. Have you had any tickets in the past four years?”
Well, again I know better than to fudge when it comes to authority figures. I had already noticed that he was a little heavy from sitting, but he did have a holstered gun and a set of handcuffs. Not to be redundant but I have had the opportunity in my younger days to sport a pair of those bracelets and they aren’t exactly comfortable. Besides, I bruise easily.
I decided to come clean. ” I think I have had four or five speeding tickets in the past four years.”
He smiled at me as he hung up the phone. “You must be mistaken ma’am. There are no tickets on your record.”
“Well, I know I have had two because both times it was the same officer and he told me I could pay him in cash rather than drive the two hours from my house back to his court.”
“Ma’am, you must be mistaken. You have no tickets for the past four years.”
Okay, so I had paid several hundreds of dollars in speeding ticket fines and I was determined to get credit for them. I began naming off the towns where I had been ticketed.
“Ma’am, can you just let it go?”
“Well, no sir. I paid for those tickets and I want credit for them.”
“If I give you ‘credit’ for them, you will have to take the driving test.”
At that point I decided to let him be right — but I did have four tickets and I never did get credit for speeding.
He looked at my written test and my drivers’ license. I noticed he was shaking his head. I was about to get worried that I had failed to correctly answer too many of the questions, especially when he began to explain that it was not an essay test but a multiple choice.
There was a long line forming behind me. I could hear the foot tapping behind me. I guess the examiner was feeling the pressure of the lengthening line, too.
As he looked at my old license he asked, “By the way, how do you pronounce your last name?”
“Jones.”
The examiner started laughing. “That’s a good one. I would say Jones, too, if my last name looked like that.” He motioned for me to take a seat in front of the camera for the picture taking.
That’s when I realized that I had not changed my name on the drivers’ license from Pelletieri to Jones when I had gotten married. That’s when I deliberatly lied.
“Ma’am, I’m going to let you have your license. Is there anything that needs to be changed before we print it out. Your address correct?”
Okay, so for a split second I thought about asking him to change my name to “Jones” on the drivers’ license he was about to issue. But, you know, sometimes even I know when to leave well enough alone.
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