We have had rain for a couple of days and it is next to impossible for us to get out and participate in any outdoor activities. To be honest in days long past I would not have been stopped by a downpour. My conclusion is that I have either gotten a little more sensible or I have become lazy in my older years. Anyway, we have been doing indoor activities.
That brings me to what’s on my mind today. Several of the kids in our neighborhood have doctors or lawyers for moms and dads — no Indian chiefs that I know of. Anyway, some of you may remember Marcus, the kid who lives a short distance from us. And, some of you may remember the day I took on the role of the meddlesome old lady. Well, as an update of sorts Marcus’s dad is now the manager of the plumbing company. Given an opportunity, he decided to run with it. Marcus’s mom, with a little help from some friends, has started a small neighborhood business cleaning houses and cooking for folks. She now has seven employees and that’s not too shabby in good times, but in these economic times she has worked wonders with an opportunity.
I don’t really want to talk about the parents although I guess there is no way around it. The kids were describing their parents, telling who they are. Most of the kids whose parents are doctors and lawyers or professors or professionals started off by saying, “my mom is a doctor and my dad is a lawyer” or something like that. When it was time for Marcus to tell the group about his parents he said, “I guess my parents are nothing important.”
Oh, my! I almost choked. It was so obvious that Marcus still feels a little less important than the other kids because his parents are not professionals with the alphabet hanging behind their names. My heart ached — not that the parents are not important because they are, but because Marcus and many of the other kids see importance by the job a person does, not who the person is.
I was about to interrupt the kids but my husband put his hand on my arm holding me back. “Let them work it out. They know more than you give them credit for.”
The silence following Marcus’s disclosure lasted almost too long for me. Finally little Cassie spoke up and said, “Hey Marc, I’ll trade with you on cheerleading day.”
Well, what did that mean? I was ready to speak but my husband kept his hand on my arm.
Marcus finally said, “No.”
Now, I think I’m pretty much in tune with the kids but sometimes they surprise me. Today was one of those times.
Marcus continued, “Can’t trade with you that day. That’s my basketball practice.”
What was going on? Then, another little boy spoke up. “If you won’t trade can we share at basketball practice?”
Soon a few of the other kids were ready to trade their dads for the “unimportant” dad who calls Marcus “son.”
Jenny must have seen that Marcus wasn’t giving up his dad, so she said, “Okay, I’ll trade my mom for yours when we have parents’ day at school next time.”
Marcus wasn’t willing to make that trade either. “Jenny you can’t have my mom. She makes the best cupcakes at school. You know that.”
Jenny confirmed that she was well aware that all the kids preferred anything and everything his mom brought to school on parents’ day.
The exchange lasted a while and I sat back in my chair. For once I had to acknowledge that my husband’s infinite patience was paying off.
Well, here’s the thing. Many of the kids could name their parents’ professions, but when it came down to it Marcus was the leader in naming who his parents are — who they are to those who count, their children.
I guess I felt the tide of emotion change in the room. Some of us older folks had worked pretty hard to bring some of the outliers into the group. Marcus is one of them. Of course, all the kids loved Marcus from the get go. But, some of us older folks realized that Marcus did not have the financial resources behind him that most of the neighborhood kids have. Marcus had gracefully accepted the help, always saying “thank you” without a parent there to prompt him.
Now, I’m really proud to have a few of the ABC’s hanging behind my name. I worked hard for those letters. But, long long ago I realized that they do not define who I am. I have had to remind myself from time to time that the ABC’s are nothing more than tools I earned to make me better at who I am and who I want to be. It’s easy to escape from the hard things in life — doing what really matters and being who you want to be. It’s easy to get caught up in the impersonal professional tasks, because even as a doctor you can leave the suffering and go home. As a lawyer you can leave the victim of a crime and go home. But, as a parent home is where what you do is most important and defines who you are to those who matter most.
I’m not perfect — never have been and really never want to be. It would be too much pressure. But, I am so thankful that years ago I learned from my father how important it is to be true to myself and to recognize what really matters in life. I have tried to live up to that and in truth, I am really grateful that I know who I am and have known for quite some time.
Today, I am really thankful that Marcus has recognized who his parents are. When John and Jasmine appeared to pick up Marcus and his sister, both ran to their parents and gave them a big hug. But, so did a bunch of the kids. Maybe there is a lot more to being a parent than being a financial provider.
