Okay, so maybe it is a victory for women. But, today I am thankful for all the Mr. Moms in the world. Maybe I am taking a rather cynical look at the situation, but after years and years spent in the work force trying to balance work and home, I am overjoyed to see more men who are now staying at home.
It was rather late last evening when the door bell went off. A neighbor was standing on the porch feverishly ringing the bell. Needless to say, I was not in much of a mood to receive a visitor. I had spent most of the day in bed with an ailing back and although the pain had numbed, it had not vanished. As the visitor entered I realized in short order that he is one of those people who lives in a world where he is the sun and everyone else is supposed to revolve around him. Again, I was not in the mood. But, there was little to do except invite him in.
The gentleman had lost his job which apparently defined him as a person. That was sad enough — not so much that he had lost his job but that he equated who he is with his former position in the work force. I’m sure that’s a man thing. Just ask any man. Who are you? He will say he is a doctor, a lawyer, or an Indian chief — or in this case a banker.
We listened as the young middle aged man told us that his wife, who is also a professional, had suggested that he should stay home and take care of their kids. They would no longer require a “baby sitter” all day, everyday. He could do the deeds. I had to smirk — at least, inwardly. This is a man who has always been too busy to be a part of the neighborhood. He often worked on Saturday’s when we were engaging his kids. He had missed all his son’s ball games due to work, and so on. Well, maybe I wasn’t feeling up to par, but I had a hard time feeling sorry for a man who now has time to spend with his kids — maybe actually get to know them.
He bemoaned the fact that staying at home was “a waste of time and talent.” Ouch! He certainly had not minded the time his wife took off work to raise their kids. But, as he talked I realized that this gentleman sees women as second class citizens — especially stay at home moms. I guess he thinks all of us who do not go to a job away from our houses each day sit around watching soap operas and sipping tea. Well, we do sip tea quite a bit but I don’t know about the soap operas.
It was quite humorous as he described how his wife had suggested that he take on the duties of potty training their youngest. I cannot imagine this! And, apparently, the man can’t either. It’s going to be interesting.
Now, look! I’m not thrilled that anyone loses a job. Our economic crisis has finally trickled down to us. We are all feeling the pinch. And, I do suppose I can understand in some small way how a man must feel when he is no longer the bread winner. The gentleman considered how he would feel spending his “wife’s money.” Another OUCH! However, as an older woman whose husband has always considered me an equal, I was somewhat amused — and YES! angered — by the gentleman’s attitude towards staying at home.
Of course, I am certain there is going to be a learning curve for him, although to hear him talk he knows everything about everything already. Inwardly, I was betting that he probably protested the idea of women no longer being considered chattel.
Perhaps, I sometimes take my husband and the husbands of my friends for granted. We have been spoiled by men who endured the bra burning days and accepted women as really equal human beings. I am left to wonder what happened to the generation we spawned.
I called both my sons last night to remind them that women are equal. There was silence on the other end of the line — during each call. And, one son asked, “And your point is?” The other said, “I guess you ran into a old timer today.” Well, it was stupid for me to call them. I know my boys. But, I just wanted to hear them say that they understood the role of women in the world and the role of men. The older son even interrupted my lecture to tell me that he had to go — my granddaughter needed a diaper change. I smiled. He gets it.
So, today I am so very, very thankful for those men who do not define themselves by their jobs. And, I am thankful that at the very least my two sons are humans who understand equality. And, I will be thankful for the expression on my neighbor’s face when I hand him a copy of “Mr. Mom.”
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