We all have opinions — of everything— even when we don’t know why. I suppose that comes with those “first impressions” that we only get to make once. Yet, for some reason that I’m not quite sure I understand, we all feel that our opinions trump all other opinions. Perhaps, therein lies the rub — and a little rudeness.
Yesterday several of the kids went with a few of us AARP-ers to the big box store. (You know the one, but I’m not going to advertise for them.) Anyway, we were wandering the isles picking up fly flaps, peat pots, and various other things for the greenhouses and the cabin. I purchased a new summer hat, but we will get back to that later.
As I was wandering up and down the isles, dressed in my overalls, a couple of the kids and I overheard two better dressed women who apparently could not help commenting on my hair.
The first one seemed to direct the other lady’s attention to my hair. “Look at that hair! She is too old to be wearing her hair that long.”
Okay, I’m 60 and not shy about telling my age. There are too many blessings that have come my way and too much well lived life under my belt to deny it. And, to be very honest my hair when not twisted in a knot or braided hangs at least half way to my waist — not acceptable for a woman my age according to some.
“Someone should take her to the beauty shop and get that mop cut off.” That was the response from the second woman.
One of the kids wanted to say something to them. “Maya, please let me tell them it is none of their business.”
“No. My hair may be none of their business, but their opinions are none of ours.” That was the best I could think of at the time. But, I felt that the younger person had been offended by the comments. I guess young people feel they are being attacked when others make critical remarks about them or their friends. It was time for a life lesson. I invited the kids for a soda at the in-store fast food establishment.
Now, about this “mop” growing from my head. My mop is probably twice as thick as a normal head of hair — that according to the lady who is going to cut it off in the fall. In fact, it takes a couple of hours to get it completely dry — and no, I do not enjoy that process. By the way, my mop is white. And, after I wash it, it is so big that I could make Janis Joplin’s mop look thin. All this hair is hot! And, quite honestly I prefer to wear it about two inches long, close to the head and off my face and neck.
Yet, there is a reason for my hair being so long, not that I need one. If you are a regular reader of The Gratitude Journal, you are aware that many of us in the neighborhood (young and old) are growing our hair for Locks of Love. You see, my mother died from cancer and at the present time my mother-in-law is fighting a brave battle against it. There is little else I can do for those who are engaged in the battle. But, I can grow hair — lots of hair. In fact, my last donation was sufficient to make two wigs for those who had lost their hair to chemotherapy.
But, on to the point. As the kids, other adults and I sat around a table sipping sodas I explained to this young teenager that in life we should not look for reasons to be offended. And, yes! Too many of us do look for reasons to be offended.
I was making my point when Jason interrupted me. “Maya, let me tell him!”
I sat back and smiled. Jason, the former hot tempered in your face kid, had learned a valuable lesson. “Brad, don’t let people rent space in your head.” I still thank Ida, the wonderful black lady with little formal education, the grandchild of slaves, who taught me as a child many of life’s lessons. She did have a way with words. And, she was one of the dearest people I have ever known — and one of the wisest.
To be sure, all of us become offended from time to time. It’s the nature of the human beast. However, if we think about it — just stop and think — most of realize that opinions that offend are the opening to letting others get inside our heads. When we rent that space out we are no longer the masters of our minds. From experience I can say that when someone else is controlling your mind or your thoughts, you are crippled. You are on the defensive. You re-act rather than act. You have given “you” to them. In other words, a response to stupidity makes us stupid, too.
Anyway, with a happy set of kids I set off to buy that big floppy hat and some ribbon and silk flowers to decorate it. I could hardly wait to show it to my husband when I got home. He always smiles when he sees my new hats. He commented that I had aged sufficiently and beautifully enough — his words — to no longer be labeled eccentric. I can blame it on age now.
You see, a long time ago a neighbor had commented that we — my husband and me — did not march to the beat of a different drummer, but rather to the music of an entirely different symphony. I have to admit that I love the music of our symphony. Today, I am thankful for that inner music.
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Hi, am wondering if the response from the “well dressed ladies ” would have been different if you had worn a dress ? (not knowing where in the world you are” I’m also 60 and with not much hair left !:) but I enjoy to be 60 and be more free to do more even if people are looking upon you, so I am wearing overalls all the time, even if it is not considered proper clothes for a professor, but I am doing it because in this way, I can breathe all the way down and feel happy and back to your story, a, but my wife and I are also playing our own symphony ! It tells everything about good life !
Hello bibprofessor,
I’m in Chattanooga and I don’t do dresses too often these days. And, with my style of dress — left over from the 60′s — and my Gothic sandals I doubt I would have met with more approval. Quite honestly, as you know from your comment, their “approval” is far more important to them than to me.
Life is too good these days to want to live up the expectations of others. I love my life as it is — in paint stained overalls.
Happy breathing!
Maya
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